2025 - Week 14

December 04, 2025

2025 - Week 14

🏈 Week 13 Recap

I'm your host, David. It's the last week of the fantasy regular season, and we've got some soap opera drama unfolding in the playoff standings. Jason broke his losing streak with his first win in ages, joining the crowded 8-5 club. And speaking of, all those 8-4 teams that were tied last week stayed tied...at 8-5 cuz they all lost lmao.

A certified hood classic

Bow bow bow bow bow y'all some booty cheeks

Aye aye aye aye aye losin to ~~the Chiefs~~ me 😎

In non-fantasy football news, the Chiefs-Cowboys on Thanksgiving was the highest rated regular season game ever. I'm sure it was inflated by hate watchers, of which I was one. I personally despise professional slimeball Jerry Jones, but I also love to see Taylor Swift's fiancé start losing games as soon as she locked him down with a ring. Better start learning to tune guitars, Travis.

The Seahawks pitched their first shutout in 10 years, and their 5 turnovers including this pick six were a major part of my win last week. Thank you Seattle Defense for being the highest scorers on my team!

Ernest Jones? More like Erndis paycheck

🔮 Week 14 Preview

There are two storylines of interest: who gets the last playoff slot between Bret and Andy, and who gets the coveted Dong between me (David), CJ, and Adam. I might need to Phone a Friend the commissioner to sort out the sacko tiebreaker rules, because I've got an outright head to head victory against Adam with no counter, and I've split two games with CJ. CJ and I play each other a third time this week, and Adam plays Nathan. I believe if I win I'm clear, and if I lose but Adam also loses, then we're tied for last and I have the head to head advantage. If the tiebreaker is points scored then I'm probably cooked.

Katy Perry would call this a ménage à trois

My head is already spinning, and we haven't even considered the much less important scenarios on Bret vs. Andy making the playoffs. I'm going to let the ESPN app handle that one. As a side note, can I complain about having a somewhat decent 4 wins and still being in contention for sacko??? Does anyone have access to past years' final records at the end of regular season and can tell me whether this is unusually high or if I'm just a whiner? This has to feel even worse for CJ who has a chance at cradling the dong at 5 wins!!

Commissioner edit for Sacko winners with 5 or more regular season wins:

2021: Ben 6-8
2020: Bret 5-8
2015: CJ 5-8

Is David being a whiner? You be the judge.

🥄 Spoon of the Week

The choice is clear. Nathan's team scored 24 points below estimate, and he lost by 0.78 points to Adam. That keeps me in contention for Sacko (see above) which I really don't appreciate, and I'm writing the blog this week. Vaya con spoons, Nathan.